Ashcroft Mystic

John Ashcroft, attorney general, avid singer,¹ Pentecostal Christian, art-hater² and one who is said to be afraid of calico cats³ — is watching you! He may even now be looking through your house, your medical, dental, or library records. And you'll never know. Now that His baby the PATRIOT Act is kicking, He doesn't have to say a word.⁴ It seems as though Ashcroft is responsible to no one: He's even warned of terrorist threats without consulting Tom Ridge, who's supposed to be the custodian of the national threat level. "Homeland Security officials at both the federal and state level had expressed skepticism, and some outright criticism," reported CNN, about Ashcroft's announcement. "Ridge seemed to fuel the controversy by stressing in televised interviews that the intelligence did not appear to be new."⁵

Hmm. Guess that's because He knows all.

1 Ashcroft sings his own little ditty, "Let the eagle soar," CNN, 25 Feb 2002. See also Julian Borger. "Staff cry poetic injustice as singing Ashcroft introduces patriot games," The Guardian, 04 March 2002.

2 "Curtains for semi-nude justice statue," BBC News, 29 Feb 2002.

3 Andrew Tobias. "Turns Out It's Not the Black Cats You Have to Watch Our For," AndrewTobias.com, 20 Nov 2001.

4 Dahlia Lithwick and Julia Turner. "A Guide to the Patriot Act, Part 1: Should you be scared of the Patriot Act?" Slate, 08 Sep 2003.

5 "Out of sync on warning?" CNN, 28 May 2004.